In the Quiet of the Afternoon

I get one day off.

One day.

One day to not be at work-- either job.

One day where I can pay bills and make appointments for Doctors and Therapists and such.

One day where I don't have to see the inside of either work place and I can just be where I am right now, doing what I am doing right now.

Sitting on my couch, writing to you, with the door on this rare but lovely day, dog chilling on the front porch and the amusing sounds of my beautiful eight year old in her room behind me.

Sure, occasionally it is interrupted by noises of my two cats fighting or my dog barking at a passer-by. But over all, this is the life I love and the life I wish I had more of.

I work 6 days a week as an underpaid housekeeper at a hotel that not only allows me to bring in my little one when she is sick or there is no school, but also helps me to get off work by the time she gets out of school so I can have the maximum amount of time with her as I can. My second job-- previously my first-- is that of a professional body piercer. I moved to doing appointments only so I could be with my daughter more and she didn't have to grow up inside of a tattoo shop that-- although family friendly-- isn't very fun for her. I'm sure my boss doesn't quite like it when I could be there accepting walk-ins if they come in but I needed this. I needed time to raise her where she didn't have her nose in the IPad all evening. Where she could go outside and play before it got dark or play in her room with her toys that I spent money on for her. So that we could be home.. in our house.. that I work two jobs to pay for and keep working so that way we aren't on the streets.

Working two jobs to support a life and home that I hardly see. What a life huh?

But then I get these moments. Mondays when I can sit down for a moment before my daughter's Parent Teacher Conference at school, after having a therapy appointment that morning so I was calm-minded for my daughter and strong for her when she returned home.. a moment where I can just be a mom. Not a working mom, not a single mom, just.. Mom.

"Mom can I play in my room?"
"Mom can I watch the iPad?"
"Mom can I have a zebra brownie?"

Yes, my love. Yes you can.

It's moment like these were I get to rejuvinate the mommy side of me. Being a mommy is hard. Being a single mommy is sometimes harder. Being a single mommy working two jobs that still barely pay the NECESSITIES so she wishes she could get an at-home third job that didn't involve selling things... majorly hard.

My house isn't perfect. My bedroom is cluttered, the laundry is questionable, the bathroom is messy, my daughters room is a disaster zone and don't even look inside my kitchen!

But it's ours. It keeps us warm, keeps the toys safe, keeps the pets safe. The water turns from cold to hot when we need it too and the lights turn on and off when required.

This is my life.

The loneliness kicks in sometimes but when I'm busy or when I have my daughter around me-- it eases. She doesn't realize how much she keeps me afloat. I tell her I love her and she means the world to me but I would never stress how much I need her. Although she knows her importance to me, I wouldn't put that sort of burden on her. Where the answer to the question "What would I do without you" can be terrifying to think about in all reality.

But I do what I do for her. So that she can grow without need, sometimes without want, but with the knowledge to know the difference between the two and appreciate not only what she has but who she is, where she can go, and what she knows and continues to learn each day.

Being a dad is hard too, I don't doubt it. Especially for single dads. But today I pay homage to moms out there. Single. Not single. Working. Stay-at-home. I've done it all. I miss when saying at home with her was my biggest job.

So this is my writing for today.

This is Me.

This is Us. (Amazing Show)

And I wouldn't change the important parts of it.

Can you say the same?