Well.. Look Who's Back.

Alright, let me be completely honest.

I forgot I had a blog.

"How can you forget you have a blog!?" Well.. it's easy I suppose. Life happens and we move on and forget some things that we once did or once used.

But I am back! I want to be back this time.

And no, it isn't just because I watched 'Mom's Night Out' for, probably, the ten billionth time. It's because I'm changing. We all are.. can't you feel it? There are a lot of updates, I suppose, to my life. I'm not really sure where I left off.

I'm a single mom and have been for almost 4 years now. I'm single in general and I'm okay with that. For the first time, I am really letting myself grow. I've learned a lot about myself and I don't really care if no one wants to read about it. They don't have to. This is me, and I make no excuses.

I'm a pan-romantic, Grey-asexual single mom of a beautiful eight year old girl. I'm an Otaku and a fandom geek. I'm Pagan. I'm a survivor of a past emotionally, mentally, and sometimes physically abusive relationship. I suffer from depression and anxiety and have been in therapy sporadically all my life. I also suffer from PCOS (Polycycstic ovarian syndrome). I have three jobs. Aside from my first job as a full time mommy, I am a house keeper at a hotel 6 days a week for minimum wage anywhere between 3 and 8 hours a day. 8 Hours is hardly a thing but on really busy days it is absolutely a possibility. And, by appointment only, I am a professional body piercer. Yup, I poke people full of holes. This is by commission but I love it. I've been a body piercer for over a year now.

I have recently-- over the last few months-- started my own little trend. #selfesteemproject #bodypositive.

I always hated myself. Even when I was in highschool and only 135lbs, I hated myself. I only gained 10 lbs when I was pregnant and I hated myself. I am now, 10 years later, 100 pounds heavier-- nah ah.. I forgot, I lost 10 lbs since starting the house keeping job-- 90 lbs heavier, and finally I decided that.. I need to not hate it.

I made the post offically on facebook when I decided and it wasn't exactly like a New Years Revolution thing but it was shortly after when I decided.. I hate hating myself. I have spent my entire life hating myself and lets be honest.. I could go back to 135 lbs and still think I was fat. I know this, because I did then. I'm not an exerciser. It's not that I'm not healthy just.. big. It happens when you're in a relationship where you don't look in the mirror, you eat and eat, they don't tell you that you look any different and then of course the stress from the bad side of the relationship doesn't help and being a woman automatically makes it harder to lose weight so.. One day you look in the mirror and realize.. "WTF". And want to kill yourself.

Now don't get me wrong, I DON'T want to kill myself. It isn't a thing. Everyone I know knows this, so don't you worry. But it was a shocker to me.

But I woke up and honestly decided.. I hate hating myself. I really do. I'm not a gym-life person. I despise the gym. I love food!! And that's okay to say. I don't eat horrible.. sure fast food is in the mix but other then that I eat pretty healthy. I am a "poltry-tarian", I call myself. No red meat, pork, seafood.. just turkey and chicken and honestly that's because I had to because of health stuff otherwise I would be a full fledge vegitarian.

Let's see.. where was I.. Oh!

I like yoga and pilates and tennis and stuff but I don't do the running or "leg and arm" day or that kind of thing and honestly, I just don't have time for it. I know, I know, it's an excuse and a typical one but it's true. Or fact is, I dont want to MAKE time for it.

There is this stigma about bigger people. Yes, I am a big girl and I am only 5"3, but if I don't love me then who else will? I'm emotionally strong-- sometimes-- and I've come a long way-- or so my friends have said. But who better to trust then your close friends right?

So anyway, I guess the purpose of this post was to say-- Hello! I'm back. I'll be posting about whatever! Me, my daughter, my pet peeves, reviews, etc. All my opinions or If I use fact's then I will state where I got the facts from.

So get ready!!.. Or Don't read.

But